Choices. Integrity. Words. Truth. Communicating what’s real. Doing what’s right. It’s not always easy to stand up to those who are on other sides of the issues. It’s not always fair to be the one to have to tell the truth. And sometimes, even when it’s a no-brainer… you will look around at all those who said they had your back, and when everyone else is walking away, you stand alone.

These are every day occurences, whether we notice them or not. Choices begin with getting out of bed, and move on to what we wear, to if we eat breakfast and end with what time we go to bed and whether we sleep on our back or stomach or side… We make them every day. Some completely inconsequential. Others… life-changing.  We choose to stand up for what we believe in… or we crumble under the pressure of those who don’t stand at all. We choose to be real and speak true, and be strong in the face of weakness. It is our choice that matters. It is our heart that leads us.

I was faced with a moment in middle school that seemed quite insignificant at the time, but later in life proved to be just the beginning of my sometimes too outspoken-self.  There was a new girl that year,  7th grade… we will call her “Cass.” Cass transferred in from another school and didn’t know anyone. Kids being usual bullying kids picked on her because she was new. I am sure she was not happy with the choice her parents made for her that first day in a new school. At one point, in 5th period, I remember she left the room crying. I immediately stood up and asked the teacher if I could go make sure she was ok. I don’t know why, but my heart felt like it was the right thing to do. I walked out of the room before I even got an answer. She was sitting alone, in the stairwell sobbing. I sat next to her and put my arm around her shoulder. I didn’t say a word. Just wanted to let her know someone was there.  I made a choice. I went back in the classroom and told the two boys who were picking on her to knock it off. Probably the first time I stood up to someone like that in front of others.

And even if I stood alone, I would do it the same everytime. I learned a long time ago what integrity was. One of my favorite quotes is by Oprah… “Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.” Integrity is who you are behind closed doors, when you don’t get the credit and the spotlight isn’t on. Integrity is what you say when no one is there to hear it and back you up. Integrity is doing the right thing… no matter what. Integrity is believing in your heart what is right… and following through with action. Integrity needs no introduction, or explanation. It just is. And when you let your heart lead, you get to the center of what that is. 

I know some people think that if you don’t do what your mind tells you to do, you are not acting rationally. I say that’s an excuse for not wanting to get hurt. I ask those same people to think of some of the greatest leaders throughout history… Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., Rosa Parks, Princess Diana, Mother Teresa, Bono… I am sure there are not many people you can find who don’t know these names. And why… Why do we list the same kinds of people every time we talk about great leaders and great people…? They have integrity. They have led with their heart. And people followed.

Every day, we make choices. Some completely inconsequential. Others… life-changing.
Regardless of impact or outcome, do what real leaders do…

Go with your heart…always.

I spent all last week in Florida with the Ursinus Softball team. It was a week of fun times, great softball (Now an 8-0 start to the season–Go Bears!  and “magical memories” . I’m excited to be a part of something this special. I watched some great players step up and make some amazing things happen. I saw a leader in each and every one of them.
We spent Wednesday, which was our day off, at the beach. What a great day. Sun and sand, and beautiful ocean. What an awesome time to relax.  While sitting there on the beach, I saw an amazing sight.
A  pelican swooped down and landed right next to us. So cool…
As we were getting ready to leave the beach, I looked up and saw a flock of pelicans flying in a “V” formation.
For years I have talked about how awesome I think it is to watch birds fly. I have used this metaphor since I was 24, teaching young entrepreneurs how to build a business from the ground up.

When they all fly together, they get it. They create something so impressive with their flight pattern, it makes me stop to watch every time.
The front bird in the “V” leads the way. It works hard, cutting the wind and making it easier on the rest of the flock. As a leader, sometimes you need to be out in front, working harder than everyone else, leading the way and taking the brunt of the wind. Then, when that front bird gets tired, it slips back and someone else takes the lead. And if any of the birds get tired or injured, they descend to the ground and another bird ALWAYS goes with them. They never go alone. They never leave their “wingman.” They stay on the ground until that bird can fly again, and they go back up and join another flock. They adapt. They always work together… and they know how to utilize each other. Birds who fly in a V formation will fly 70% farther and faster than they could ever go alone. See, as a good leader, you learn how to not only lead out in front, but you learn how to lead from the flock.

Yesterday, we hosted a field trip at ETC for the Girls Leadership program from the West Chester area school district. 42 middle school girls were visiting us for the morning and we played some games, talked about goals and what it takes to be a good leader, and capped it off with a pizza lunch. I heard some really amazing stories, some girls who really touched me and some who really just want to make something of their lives. It warmed my heart. But the most humbling part was when two of the girls presented me with a gift at the end of the morning in front of the group. They handed me a small box and a card as a token of their thanks for the time I had spent with them. I had spoken at their school a couple months ago, and also took some time out to head out to Radnor Middle School to kick off the Girls Leadership Conference as a guest speaker, and the first one of the day. I spoke there about geese… and how we all need help flapping our wings sometimes. How they just get it… this leadership thing.
When I opened that box, I felt a tear quickly fill my eye. In it was a handcrafted pewter Canadian Goose pin… made in Canada. It was bought at the Olympics by the director of the program. It was used as a symbol there of the games. I was completely surprised and humbled. The two young girls looked at me and thanked me for teaching them what leadership is and being a strong role model for them. They thanked me for being an inspiration and a mentor in their lives. It was a moment I won’t soon forget.

Then today, at our game… I was coaching first. Off in the distance I saw the biggest flock of geese I think I have ever seen in the sky. It was an amazing sight. And as it came closer, it flew over the field, almost as a reminder of what kind of team I am blessed to coach. 
And so I realized yesterday, and today… that the girls that I have worked with who have thanked me, on the field and off, at ETC and elsewhere… are the real leaders. They are the ones that I am watching develop their wings and fly. I enjoy leading from the flock. And when I need to take the brunt of the wind, I have no problem doing so if it makes them fly easier. This is my passion, helping build stronger wings. 
So next time you see a V in the sky, take a second to marvel at the beauty…
We should all watch birds… they get it.

“Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light?”  ~Maurice Freehill

There were moments, growing up in a big old house, that I admit I didn’t want to go up to bed alone.  I don’t really know why… but the dark had its way of gripping me tightly and making my heart beat a little faster than normal.  So I wonder… what was it I was afraid of? There were no monsters or creatures that hid under my bed or in my closet. I was sure to check the probable hiding spaces out quite often. The unknown factor was so broad, and so vague… it always is, isn’t it? We are afraid of what we cannot see… what we don’t know to be fact. What “might” be hiding beyond the light.
There are days I feel that now.  And nights that just seem darker than usual. The moon sometimes takes away just enough of the darkness, but keeps me wondering what is out there, beyond what I can see at night.

I know as you read this, and I ask you to think about one of your darkest moments, you can find it pretty easily. We all have those. We all find different sources of light to take us out of those moments or days, or even months and years. And at the risk of sounding trite, without one we would never know or even understand the other.
I often try to look at life as a cycle, as a day fades to night, and then back to day… or fall turns cold and dark and winter then becomes spring again. We can’t stop it from happening, no matter how hard we try… with or without us in the world, the sun will come up again tomorrow morning, and these last few weeks of winter will soon fade to green leaves and buds on the trees. No matter what we do…. It will happen.
As it is with our own “mini-seasons” or days, our own lives that we experience… good, bad or indifferent. The darkest days always find glimmers of sunlight. And in time, we find that perhaps what we thought was dark, really wasn’t, and that even when the sun goes down, the moon is bright. Sometimes, in the darkest hour, if we just look beyond our own shadow, we realize there is light in everything. There is a chance to be uncomfortable in the process, and in that… having faith that the light will come. In some way, and in some form… The darkness won’t last.
I still may not want to go to bed alone tonight. I may check the closet and under the bed, just to make sure. And when I turn out the light, I may keep my eyes open just long enough to see the moon falling through my window, reminding me that the sun will be there when I open my eyes again.  What I may not be able to see and what I don’t know don’t matter now. Because even tonight, even in the darkest hour… comes the light.

“The black moment is the moment when the real message of transformation is going to come.  At the darkest moment comes the light.”  ~Joseph Campbell

“There they stand, the innumerable stars, shining in order like a living hymn, written in light.”  ~N.P. Willis

“You can’t have a light without a dark to stick it in.”  ~Arlo Guthrie

TO COME FULL CIRCLE (Dictionary.com): To make a complete change or reform; To complete a cycle of transition, returning to the point of origin.

And so it was… back to NJ for me a few weekends ago. Visiting friends and family… Back to my roots, where I started my softball career. Where my life changed, where I became who I am today.
I drove over to my HS and as I pulled into the parking lot behind the school, I remembered immediately what it felt like to be there. I walked over the little bridge to see something completely different than what I remembered. It all changed. Everything changed. The school was added onto… the fields were moved and repositioned. It was nothing like when I was there 20 years ago. But I still found myself walking through the grass with the feelings I got on game day. Taking a deep breath to take it all in.  I found solace in the fact that I still, after all these years, feel the same way when my feet touch a softball field. Passion… unbreaking, real, true passion for the game.
So while I have certainly made a complete change, and I am sure a few… in my lifetime since those days at that little high school in my small suburban town just outside of NYC, I have also found so many times where my life has come full circle.  Completeing that cycle of transition and returning to the point of origin…. my life…. in a nutshell.
I am older, wiser (I like to think), more open to learning, softer, tougher, more true to myself…. But I will never ever forget where I came from.

It’s not a crazy story by any means…. nothing like those who have spent their time in inner city ghettos finding their way out and into something more. Or like someone who was orphaned and grew up with next to nothing. Or someone who had a long line of abuse or drug use or some other horrible negative they had to overcome. NO… it wasn’t like that. I was an average kid who played sports, grew up in a good family with a roof over my head. Nothing spectacular. A car accident changed some things for me, but it didn’t end my life.
I am here, full circle.

And so it goes.  Life happens, moves on and you find new things to fulfill you.  You move forward to move backward… and backward to move forward. And the merry-go-round keeps turning. Some days it spins faster than others…. some days you just long to get off and others have a deep want and desire to get back on…. and around and around it goes.

So as I see my life in places return to the point of origin, I will never forget where I came from. I won’t forget the feeling I get when I take myself back to a spring day in 1990, toeing the rubber, knowing the game was on my shoulders. I look back now and I find such strength in the little moments of victory. I have taken them with me from that field at THS. I have learned from every moment. 
No beginning and no end…

You always come full circle.

A day may come when my desire and need to help others disappears… but it is not THIS day. Today, I choose to be aware of those around me, regardless of my own place in the world. Some days we are tired. Some days we are sick. Some, we don’t even really feel like getting out of bed. But regardless of where I find myself today, I choose to want to give. It is my human obligation.
Watching the news today was a not-so-gentle reminder of how quickly life can change. How fragile this earth and all of us on it in fact are. We don’t choose natural disaster… but we can choose how we feel, how we respond and how we live the the lives we have been blessed with. Not just any day…. but TODAY. Today we choose that. We are all here, living and breathing and sharing. I choose this day to share with you.
A day may come when my integrity doesn’t lead my life…but it is not THIS day. Today, I choose to act in a way that creates strength. It is a way of being, not ever questioning if it feels right in my gut. Integrity is who I am when I am sitting alone in my office, behind a closed door, with a strong desire to make someone else’s life just a little bit easier. It is thinking and doing that coincide. It is following through with what I have said I would do. It is commitment. It is being true to my vision and true to the mission statement on my wall that I stare at every day. It’s challenging myself to go further, push harder and make more of an impact as long as it benefits others.
A day may come when passion is no longer important…but it is not THIS day. Today, I choose passion to drive me. I find the burning desire in my gut to create, to think, to give of myself. When asked what my favorite word is, I always answer “Passion.” It’s the center of all things that have any meaning to me. I truly believe some people float through life more at the surface of the world, only experience some of what that feels and looks life, while others spend time in a deeper place, living and loving more passionately, more deeply… with a greater negative impact though when things hurt. I would gladly have to hurt more if I could experience a deeper and more intense passion.
A day may come when I choose mediocrity over excellence…but it is not THIS day. Today, I choose to honor those around me and those who have gone before me with giving my best to every piece of my day. I choose to smile more at others, to listen more intently, to understand without having to be understood. Today, this day, I choose to make an impact for someone else. A phone call, a gesture of encouragement to someone who is struggling, a re-commitment to striving for more than just being ok. Some days get busy. We fly through life like a machine, getting things done, going to bed and doing it all over again tomorrow. Today, I remind myself to slow down. To think about how my hectic life impacts those around me.
A day may come when my courage fails…but it is not THIS day.
It is so easy to allow fear to take control. To let it climb in the driver’s seat and keep me from taking another step into the unknown. To destroy my faith, to make me question who and why and how and when. To steer me off track and down a road that I didn’t want to be on. Fear reminds me that sometimes I need to be ok with just not knowing… with allowing life to unfold in it’s own time and to take the wheel when I am ready. Fear begets courage. Always.
And I know that if that day ever comes, we already had this conversation. I will be waiting…
I will be prepared…
And I will not worry about it until it happens.
Because I am sure…
It is not THIS day.

Christmas, 1978. I was five. And sick… couldn’t go out on our yearly drive around the neighborhoods to see the lights so we weren’t there when Santa came to deliver gifts. See, growing up, we opened presents Christmas Eve night, after church… We stayed up til the wee hours of the morning then slept in while we waited for Dad to come home from doing the Christmas morning church service. Then Christmas breakfast together and time to play with the cool toys we got the night before. But that year, I was sick… So I was ushered up to my bed with my mom or my sister, I can’t remember which, to try to sleep before Santa got there. For some odd reason, Santa must have been shy or something because we were never allowed to see him… or her…. or whomever Santa was or “he”wouldn’t leave the presents.  So I layed in my bed, excited and thinking that maybe this was the year I would get close enough to hear him come in the house. We didn’t have a chimney, so apparently we left the door unlocked for Santa to make his way in… not safe, I know… but we couldn’t risk missing him and him not be able to get in…

All of a sudden, I heard bells… and a loud “HO HO HO”….which still, to this day, reminded me a little of my sister Judy.  But nonetheless, I was wide-eyed with amazement that I could hear Santa in my living room. A few rustles of bags, and he was gone. I snuck out of my room to see if my cookies were edible, and sure enough they were… just a few crumbs left. Santa was here.

All these years later, I still remember my brush with Mr. Claus and know how lucky I was to have the gift of hearing him in my house, bells and all. I have always believed in Santa. Probably even more so today than ever.

I saw him in the eyes of a soldier when I was riding the shuttle bus at the airport. He got up for a woman who didn’t have a place to sit. Not looking for a thank you, which was good because the woman didn’t even look his way… just sat down and continued to talk on her phone. I smiled at him and thought… yes… that is what Christmas is about. Doing things for others and not looking for anything in return. Santa was in camouflage that day.

I saw him in the eyes of a young child in the store last week who was so excited to show her mommy a toy. “Look at this mommy!!!!” It was like Christmas happened right there at that moment, on that day… just for her. It was all she ever wanted. Mommy responded with a “Why don’t we wait and see if Santa brings it for you….” Her smile didn’t fade one bit… it just meant that she had to wait a few days and the magic of Santa would give her enough hope that she might just get what she wanted. She was almost more excited about that proposition than the toy itself. Santa was there with them both in that store. I know.

I heard him in the voice of my littlest nephew Tommy, wishing everyone a “Merry Chrimas” on a voicemail. The tone and the words were just perfect and made me know that Santa was there with him too.

I felt him in my family’s hugs on Friday. All of us together in one place… probably the first time in a LONG time that this has happened. It just felt good and right and it felt like love. Santa definitely made his way through each of us.

I heard him in the thank you’s from the Coatesville Food Co-op when I delivered a truck load of food two weeks ago. As I walked inside, the tables had three packages of food left to give out, and a whole long list of families to give them too. My truckload filled two big shopping carts with food, enough to feed the list for the next two weeks they said. Santa was there that day too.

I feel him when I sit here at this desk, thinking about the lives we have to touch… the smiles we have to give… the lessons we have to learn AND teach. I am blessed by those around me, those who work here with me and those who come through the doors for us to teach. I learn from each and every one of them, and I am honored to be amongst a whole long list of Santas. They are here, day in and day out.

I believe in Santa. Every day, all year round. He is present in all we do, the magic, the belief, the faith. The gift of today and the hope of tomorrow and the not knowing what kind of magic awaits us around the corner. Yes, I do believe in Santa.
He is present. I have heard him. I have seen him. I know him.

Ever really think about the saying “Finder’s Keepers?”… Because the rest of it is exactly what you don’t want to happen. You are upset because you lost it… whatever the “it” is.

Did you ever lose something that you thought you would never find again? Or maybe you thought it was lost and all along, it was right in front of you. You didn’t even realize it… But there it was, right there. Sometimes the things that are the closest are the hardest to find. And sometimes, once you realize you lost it, you don’t believe you will ever get it back. And then there are those things that you lose that aren’t even things… but more intangible, like your drive and desire, or your heart, or your love for something or someone. Those are the things that are the hardest to lose, and even harder to find.

Have you ever searched for meaning in something, or maybe searched for an answer when you felt lost? What about that desire, the drive that makes you want to do something in your life? That burning desire, that fire in your gut…that feeling that makes you want to get up even when you feel you can’t or you are too tired to finish what you started… When you find that, make sure to take good care of it and it will take good care of you.

So how do you keep the desire you have, the fire in your belly? How do you keep that strong and true?
Easy…. Make sure it’s always what you love. Check it when you need to, but always make sure you surround yourself with people and things that bring joy to your life. Do what you love…. love what you do. Find that first, and always keep that a priority.

I am sure you have heard the story of the mayonaise jar and the professor? If not, it goes like this…

A professor of philosophy stood before his class with some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks about two inches in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was full.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly and watched as the pebbles rolled into the open areas between the rocks. The professor then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They chuckled and agreed that it was indeed full this time.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. The sand filled the remaining open areas of the jar. “Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this jar signifies your life. The rocks are the truly important things, such as family, health and relationships. If all else was lost and only the rocks remained, your life would still be meaningful. The pebbles are the other things that matter in your life, such as work or school. The sand signifies the remaining “small stuff” and material possessions.
If you put sand into the jar first, there is no room for the rocks or the pebbles. The same can be applied to your lives. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are truly important.

So pay attention to the big rocks in your life. Pay attention to the things and people that matter most. Find them first… and make sure you keep them happy.

What are you looking for right now? Was it lost, or have you never even found it yet?
Take a few minutes to really think about that. The cycle of life allows us to lose, find and lose again, only to realize that the things we thought were lost really weren’t… and the things we thought we had, well…. those maybe weren’t ours to begin with. If your life’s deepest desire is a big house and a nice shiny BMW, I am not going to tell you that’s wrong… If you have goals and dreams like that, go after them, by all means… But just make sure there is more to life than possessions. Make sure there are things without a pricetag…. because those are the things that are the most precious.

You will know when you find them…. Because you will do whatever it takes to keep them.

Growing up, I read a lot. I was also read TO a lot. There were the stories of Uncle Wiggly and Nurse Jane Fuzzy Wuzzy that mom used to read to me if I was sick or got hurt (which of course, as an active kid I tended to have my share of injuries), or the Richard Scary books that my brother and I shared and read a lot together. I loved the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew books, Where the Wild Things Are had a special place in my heart as well as Clifford, The Big Red Dog. But perhaps on of my favorite stories was by Margery Williams… The Velveteen Rabbit.
My dad was an Episcopal Priest (now a semi-retired Bishop) and every sunday found me in the front row on my mom’s lap as a small child in church peering up at him as he told stories. At that point, I believed he was just a professional storyteller… and to which I definitey wasn’t wrong.They were real life stories that related to the message he needed to convey that week. Sometimes they were Charlie Brown and Lucy adventures, wondering when she would stop pulling the football out from his foot as he was about to kick. Sometimes he told of angels and sky maidens and hide & seek and Fiddler on the Roof… And the frog who was kissed and made into a prince. Yes, Dad, I did listen all those sundays. And as an adult can understand really now what you were saying all those years ago.
But one always stood out to me. And everytime you used it, I felt deeply what you were saying. Whether I was 5 or 35, I listened to this story like it was my own.
A young boy was given a stuffed toy rabbit as a Christmas gift and as it sat in the nursery waiting to be chosen as a playmate, the rabbit wondered what it would take for him to be loved. As he made friends with the other toys in the room, the skin horse explained to him what the goal of all toys is… To be made “real”… and to be loved by a human.
It seemed the rabbit was only worried about the outcome. But the Skin Horse explained to him perhaps in one of the best quotes from the book that “Real isn’t how you are made, it’s a thing that happens to you.”
The rabbit asked the skin horse if it hurts… to which the horse replied, yes… sometimes it hurts. But when you are real, you don’t mind being hurt.
And that it doesn’t happen all at once… It takes time. By the time you are real, you are worn and tattered a bit. But it doesn’t matter, because at that point you are really loved. And you can’t be ugly… except to people who don’t understand.

Doubting what is real is not allowing yourself to open your eyes and your heart to the process. Sometimes we are afraid of what “real” is. Sometimes, we don’t really understand why someone else would want to see the “real” in us, both good and bad, beautiful and “ugly”… and usually it’s because we don’t realize that once we are loved, they see things in us that we may not even know fully exist. They accept us for who we are, and even love the worn down parts and the rough patches, droopy ears and sewn on eyes.
I think it was no coincidence that both of my stuffed animals that I loved the most as a kid have worn out patches and holes. And come to think of it… they are both missing an eye. I think I loved them well.
And I realize now that once that love is there, the doubt disappears.
Never Doubt What is Real… sometimes you just need to look in the mirror and love who you are anyway. Despite and even through the rough patches.
It’s this process of becoming real that I think we all strive for… not so much the outcome.
Droopy ears and all…

There is a difference between seeing and having vision. There is a difference between looking and seeing. Sometimes there are things that are right in front of you that you forget to “see”… we all do it, looking and looking for something and it was right there, under your nose all along. How many times have you searched around for something and when you went back to the place you started, there it was. There, all along… in front of you. Try it. Look around the room you are in for something blue. So often we look far away first, then once we find something, realize that if we just looked down in front of us, there is usually something closer we could have seen. I have done this with different groups of people and all have done the same thing. We look further away first to find what we are looking for. Sometimes, it’s not that hard…
So are you guilty of not seeing what’s right in front of you? AND… more importantly…Are you being seen?
There is a concept called Sawubona… it’s a Zulu greeting that means “we see you.” Orland Bishop, a youth mentor in LA explains it best. He says: “Seeing is a dialogue, it establishes you as a witness to a phenomenon. By saying yes we see each other….It becomes our agreement that seeing has empowered us to investigate our mutual potential for life.”
Why are we here at THIS same time in our lives? You are reading this for a reason. What has this moment given us to be able to accomplish? It’s an invitation to participate in each other’s lives. This seeing also obligates us to give to each other for that moment in each of our lives to be enhanced. How do I have to live, what can I do in order for you to live the life you desire? In order for you to be free? Somewhere along the way, we lost the imagination of what sight is and what these inner capacities really mean. We can’t pursue freedom or success out of self interest, if we limit one person’s freedom we limit our own. If we limit another’s success, WE too, limit our own. Success is not gained FROM something or TO achieve something, it’s to be present WITH…. And in that presence, we find our inner greatness.
Maybe it’s time to be seen. Maybe you are hiding too well? Or is there somone around you who needs to be seen?
This reminds me of something I read years ago by Robert Fulgham about the neighborhood game of hide and seek. About hiding too well that people can’t find you. About being the one that was always left unfound at the end of the game.
There is hiding, and there is finding. And sometimes, we don’t do it right. We don’t keep searching until we find… sometimes we give up right before we found it.
And when we hide too well we get mad at the fact that those looking didn’t find us.
Funny, isn’t it? We can see these things in our own lives. It’s like hide and seek grown up style. But sometimes we just don’t take the time to look…. to find and to be found.
See, and be seen.
So Sawubona… We see you.
Open your eyes….
It’s time to get found.